I made him a millionaire

A woman was telling her friend, "It was I who made my husband a millionaire."

"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.

The woman replied, "A billionaire."

Dont Copy, if you cant Paste

-A famous inspirational speaker said :

"Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife".

Audience was in shock and silence.

He added :

"She was my mother."

Applause and laughter!

'

'

'

A top manager tried to crack this at home.

After good 3-4 drinks, he said loudly to his wife, in the kitchen :

" Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife !

There was sudden silence !"

Standing for a moment and trying hard to recall the 2nd half of the sentence, he finally blurted out

'

'

''

" Forget it , I can't remember who she was ".

By the time he regained his senses, he was on a hospital bed recovering from burns of boiling water.

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Moral :

DON'T COPY; IF YOU CAN'T PASTE.

How to make a Husband and wife happy ?

To make a wife happy ….. A husband only needs to be:

1. A friend

2. A companion

3. A lover

4. A brother

5. A father

6. A master

7. A chef

8. An electrician

9. A carpenter

10. A plumber

11. A mechanic

12. A decorator

13. A stylist

16. A psychologist

17. A pest exterminator

18. A psychiatrist

19. A healer

20. A good listener

21. An organizer

22. A good father

23. Very clean

24. Sympathetic

25. Athletic

26. Warm

27. Attentive

28. Gallant

29. Intelligent

30. Funny

31. Creative

32. Tender

33. Strong

34. Understanding

35. Tolerant

36. Prudent

37. Ambitious

38. Capable

39. Courageous

40. Determined

41. True

42. Dependable

43. Passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO :

44. Give her compliments regularly

45. Love shopping

46. be honest

47. be very rich

48. Not stress her out

49. Not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself

51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself

52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

53. Never to forget:

* Birthdays

* Anniversaries

* Arrangements she makes

&

HOW TO MAKE A HUSBAND HAPPY:

1. Leave him alone

Sniffer dog

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sits down in the aisle seat and puts his black Labrador in the middle seat next to the man...

The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why the dog is allowed

on the plane.

The second man explains, I'm a Drug Enforcement Agency officer and the dog is a Sniffer dog. His name is Smithy and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work."

The plane takes off, and once it has leveled out, the agent says, "Watch this." He tells Smithy to 'search'.

Smithy jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Smithy then returns to his seat and puts one paw on the agent's arm.

The agent says, "Good boy", and he turns to the man and says,"That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land."

"Say, that's pretty neat," replies the first man.

Once again, the agent sends Smithy to search the aisles. The dog sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to his seat and this time, he places TWO paws on the agent's arm. The agent says, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making note of his seat number for the police."

"I like it!" says his seat mate.

The agent then tells Smithy to 'search' again. Smithy walks up and down the aisles for a little while, sits down for a moment and then comes racing back to the agent, jumps into the middle seat and proceeds to shit all over the place.

The first man is really amazed now by this behavior and can't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like this, so he asks the agent., "What's going on?"

The agent nervously replies, "He just found a bomb!"

Operating different people

Five surgeons are discussing the types of people they like to operate on.

The first surgeon says: 'I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'

The second responds: 'Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.'

The third surgeon says: 'No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

The fourth surgeon chimes in: 'You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'


But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine. Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable.'

Jokes

WIFE x HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."


WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day.. 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"



CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !

Capricon

A Sardarji and a Bengali, both suffering from serious diseases, share the same room in a hospital. They are taken violently ill and they cannot even utter a word.

After a few days of living together, the Bengali gets really bored and
wants to start off a conversation with his fellow patient.

He realises that he has not enough energy left to say a sentence; instead he just attempts to say a word. After much effort he turns to the Sardarji, points his finger towards himself and says "Bengali".
Sardarji doesn't want to let the poor Bengali down who has struggled so hard to start a conversation. Sardarji musters all his energy and says "Punjabi" gesturing the same way as Bengali did.

Bengali is happy now and wants to continue the conversation.
After much more effort this time he says, again pointing his finger
towards himself "Sharath Bose."
Sardarji after some effort says "Devindar Singh".

Bengali is even happier that they now know each other's names.
After some time, Bengali turns towards Sardarji and mustering all his
energy says "Cancer" - -

again doing the same gesture as before...
Sardarji smiles and with some effort says "Capricon."

Blonde Typist

Poor girl. she is still in the previous century.

What I feel Like

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once.
TOO MANY!
Turn them!
TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter.
Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking!
Never!
Turn them!
Hurry up!
Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them.
You know you always forget to salt them.
Use the salt.
USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"



The wife stared at him.
"What in the world is wrong with you?
You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied,
"I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

A Failure Survey

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food
shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure!
In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant,
In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant,
In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant,
In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant,
In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant,
In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant,
& 
In US they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant.

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